let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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