There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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