i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
