she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
