you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
