party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
