Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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