if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
