i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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