Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
