i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
