Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
