9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
