We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
