why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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