he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
