Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
