Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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