Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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