my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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