New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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