I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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