Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
