This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Never joke about your clitoris.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
