period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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