They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
