So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
