Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
