I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
