btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
