Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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