Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
