oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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