so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
