Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize