So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
