remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
