Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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