How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
