There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
