So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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