Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
