life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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