i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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