It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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