Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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