I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize