she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
