"it" just moved
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
