i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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