We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
