the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
