Pants 0. Shit 1.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
