hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
