Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
