Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
