lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
