We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
