Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
