I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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