you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
