just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
