last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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