And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
