you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
